


Djinn Dreams & Phoenix Feathers

by Aria_Lerendeair



Series: Alec Lightwood Birthday Bash 2020 [12]
Category: Shadowhunters (TV), The Shadowhunter Chronicles - All Media Types, The Shadowhunter Chronicles - Cassandra Clare
Genre: (no one actually dies), Alec Lightwood Deserves Nice Things, Alec is trapped in a Djinn Dream, Almost death, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fights, Good Communication (eventually), Happy Ending, Hurt/Comfort, Immortal Husbands, Immortality Angst, Insecure Alec Lightwood, Insecure Magnus Bane, M/M, Magnus Bane Deserves Nice Things, Magnus angst, Suicidal Thoughts, They are each other's Nice Thing, Whump, alec angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-02
Updated: 2020-12-05
Packaged: 2021-03-10 02:40:14
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 9,390
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27843127
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Aria_Lerendeair/pseuds/Aria_Lerendeair
Summary: After a large fight with Magnus, Alec ends up injured and trapped in a Djinn dream.  Magnus will stop at nothing to try to pull him out, but, as time goes by, Alec refuses help and remains trapped in the dream.
Relationships: Magnus Bane/Alec Lightwood
Series: Alec Lightwood Birthday Bash 2020 [12]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2016725
Comments: 69
Kudos: 404





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Anonymous Prompted: Birthday prompt - h/c where Alec is seriously injured (coma?) and it's post a fight Alec & Magnus had that they didn't get to resolve yet?
> 
> Buckle in folks it's gonna be an angsty one!!

Magnus let another bolt of frustrated magic escape his fingertips, hitting the magnet that he had made in the center of the room to absorb the magic he couldn’t seem to keep under control. Another snarl left his lips and he paced past it again, resisting the urge to let more magic rip out of him, destroy everything around him, tear it apart. As good as it would feel, that wasn’t what he _wanted._

He blew out a hard breath and snarled when he caught sight of the jar still sitting on the desk of his apothecary. The jar that held three golden, glowing feathers in it, more precious than any other potion ingredient in the world. Another shock of wild magic hit the ball in the center of the room and the lights around him flickered. 

As soon as he got himself under some _semblance_ of control, he was going to tell Alec to spend the night at the Institute, because he knew that if Alec came home, things would devolve into another shouting match. Tears prickled at the corner of his eyes and Magnus blinked them away, summoning a drink to his fingertips, downing it in an instant. 

His phone went off only moments later, and the terse, short message from Alexander, _‘We’re busy tonight, I’ll be staying here, love you.’_ was enough to have him throwing his phone furiously at the couch before it could be shattered by another angry shock of his magic. _Of course,_ Alec would rob him of getting to kick him out for the evening so he could stew in his anger. 

The worst part was… 

Magnus clenched his hands into fists and took a deep, shuddering breath, thinking of the excitement, the eagerness that had been in Alec’s face as he…

Another snap of magic shot across the room, a thunderclap that made the entire loft quake under the force of the power. Magnus slammed his eyes shut and tried to breathe, tried to focus on the weight that felt too heavy in his chest. He should have known better, should have _known_ that Alec wouldn’t leave it well enough alone, would try to figure something out. 

Magnus stopped in the doorway of his apothecary and stared at the notebook that was left open on his desk, the Phoenix Feathers illuminating the concise handwriting from Alexander. It was all there, it was all laid out. Meticulously gathered over the course of years, and it had somehow devolved into a screaming match between both of them. 

Except, Magnus knew exactly _how._ He knew exactly _why._ He knew that it was entirely _his_ fault. Because he’d gotten upset, and then gotten angry that Alec had pursued this. Which had led to Alec somehow believing he didn’t want…

Magnus stepped closer to the notebook and pressed his fingertips to the pages of the notebook. He could feel the amount of love and devotion that Alexander had poured into every single one of the pages. The notebook was steeped in his desire to find answers to a problem he shouldn’t have been trying to solve. 

Magnus yanked his fingertips away and slammed the notebook shut. He should burn it, here and now, give Alexander his definitive answer for what he thought of the idea. 

But he could feel the hope that was tangled in the pages. The sheer, raw power of Alexander’s hope was too much and Magnus turned away from it, stalking back to the center of the room, slamming the door to his apothecary shut. Damn him for wanting this. Damn him for not thinking everything about everything he would lose, everything that would change. 

Because now that Magnus knew, now that he knew, now that he had made his stance on things clear, he’d…

Magnus blew out a hard breath and shook his head. There was no point in thinking of it. They’d see each other tomorrow, they would both apologize for shouting, and then everything would be fine. Everything would be _fine,_ and Alexander would never bring this up again. 

~!~

His phone rang six hours later. 

Magnus, several drinks into his evening, took one look at Isabelle’s name on the caller identification and sent it to voicemail. Especially when she called again, and then Jace called. He scoffed. Alec must have told them about the fight, and now they were up in arms, wanting to protect their brother. _Good,_ maybe Alexander would realize how important they were to him and focus on their anger. That was exactly what he wanted. 

The calls didn’t stop, so Magnus turned his phone off. The last thing he needed was to think about Shadowhunters tonight, and their stupid, fucking earnest tendencies to try to do the impossible and-

A fire message shot through the air. Magnus grabbed it, vowing that he was going to give Alexander’s siblings a serious lecture about staying the fuck out of their business when he realized the message was from Catarina. 

_**Alec is hurt, and in a coma. Come. Now.** _

Magnus’ heart squeezed hard enough to leave him gasping and he was through a portal and racing for the front doors of the Institute before he could finish a thought. Isabelle was waiting for him, but Magnus ignored her entirely, striding past her to head straight for the Infirmary. His magic found Alexander and Magnus walked past the worried and pitying eyes to skid to a stop, Catarina standing on the other side of Alexander’s bed, looking grim. 

“Cat-”

“He’s in a coma,” Catarina interrupted, lifting her eyes to meet Magnus’. "We don’t know when, or even _if,_ he’s going to wake up at this point."

The weight in Magnus’ chest got heavier. The phone calls he’d ignored. Had he missed a chance to prevent this? Was Alec like this now because he’d been angry? "What, what…” he tried to breathe, but his thoughts were racing. "How-"

"A Djinn,” Jace said, in a bed on the other side of Alec, his face pale. "We, we got to it. But, but not before it had its claws in Alec. Literally."

The light cough from Jace had Magnus realizing that Jace was likely unhurt, but he was in bed because of the pain Alec was going through. Magnus turned his attention to Alec on the bed and his chest hurt so badly it felt like it was about to cave in on itself. He tried to breathe, but there wasn’t enough air in the room. Alec was still on the bed, too still. 

"Magnus,” Catarina called. 

“Fuck,” Magnus whispered, sinking into the chair beside Alec’s bed. "And now he’s caught in a nightmare he can’t break out of." Djinn magic, once it had a hold of you, was almost impossible to break free from. It was entirely possible that Alec would be in a coma for… a period of time he didn’t want to think about. 

Jace swallowed and gave a nod from the other bed. "Yeah,” he managed. "And I’m only getting flashes of it, but whatever the hell it is, it involves you, and it hurts like fucking hell."

Magnus slammed his eyes shut, willing the tears and panic crawling through his entire body to stay contained. He couldn’t afford to lose control here. He couldn’t, no matter how much he wanted to. He reached out to take Alexander’s hand, giving it a slow squeeze, his breath coming out in shaky waves. "Alexander…” 

“Magnus,” Catarina said, lowering her voice as she knelt next to her best friend. "Alec’s condition is very serious. I’ve built him a tether to climb out. But he’s ignoring it. His subconscious is staying locked in the dream, because he believes he deserves to be there."

Magnus forced his eyes open to stare at Catarina, the words taking several long, painful seconds to sink into him. Alexander was ignoring the way out. Alexander knew he was trapped and… He turned back to the bed and pressed his face to Alec’s hand, a tear sliding down his cheek. **Fuck.** What had he done? 

"He needs you,” Catarina continued. "You’re going to have to be the one to pull him back. Your magic knows him best, and if there’s anyone that he would listen to, Magnus, it’s you."

Magnus parted his lips with a wet sound, sucking in another breath before he nodded. "I’ll bring him back,” he promised. He thought of the Phoenix Feathers sitting on his desk and tightened his hand around Alec’s. "I’ll bring him back," he said again. He would find a way, even if he had to invent a new one. 

~!~

The next week was the longest of Magnus’ entire life. 

Alexander refused every piece of his magic that reached for him to try to bring him out of the dream. No matter how many paths he laid out to free Alec from the Djinn dream, his shadowhunter remained stubbornly, impossibly locked in the nightmare that had been designed for him. Magnus wanted nothing more than to rip Alec out of it, but that would have hurt him more. 

The looks from the others had turned to pity and Magnus hated all of them. He was going to bring Alec back. He would. He dropped his eyes to the slow rise and fall of Alexander’s chest and picked up Alec’s hand again, squeezing it as he settled into the seat by Alec’s bedside. "Hello, Alexander,” he whispered, pressing a kiss to Alec’s hand. "You’re going to come back to me today,“ Magnus added, trying to sound far more certain than he felt about that statement. "I need you to come back to me today." 


	2. Chapter 2

After two weeks in the infirmary, Magnus had brought Alexander home to the loft. He was still locked in the coma, his lips and face pale, growing sunken as he remained trapped in his own mind, but Magnus had to hope that he would rest easier at home.

Jace was up and moving, but only barely, and Magnus spared him less than a thought. The one thing they agreed on, no matter what the others said, was that they would _not_ give up on Alec. No matter what, no matter how many times he refused the path out, neither of them was going to give up on Alec. 

Catarina finished getting Alec settled in their bed and turned to look at him. Magnus ignored her in favor of stretching out next to Alexander, taking his hand and giving it a small squeeze. He tried to breathe through the pain that was waiting for him. 

"Magnus,” Catarina said, reaching out to squeeze his shoulder. "Magnus, you need-"

"I need to be here,” Magnus said, unable to look away from Alec, remembering the hurt expression on Alec’s face as he’d left for the Institute after their fight. "I have to be here, I have to pull him back." He paused, taking a deep breath. "I will pull him back,” he promised. He would not let their last conversation be pain, shouted insecurities in them both come to life because Alec had wanted…

Catarina sighed and sank down next to him. "Magnus, I need to ask you something. There’s no reason that Alec should be keeping himself locked in a nightmare, refusing all offers of help… is there?“ 

Magnus flinched and lifted Alec’s hand to his lips, kissing the back of his hand again, oh-so gentle. He swallowed and glanced at Catarina before turning his attention back to Alexander. "My apothecary. On the desk. The notebook,” he told her, just the reminder of it enough to have him tensing and pressing closer to Alec. He felt rather than heard Catarina leave, and he didn’t know how long it was before she came back. 

“Magnus,” Catarina said, her voice soft. "Did you both fight?"

"Yes,” Magnus whispered, a tear slipping down his cheek. His lip wobbled and he tried to breathe through the gaping pressure settling into his chest. "Yes, we fought. Badly. He wasn’t even planning to come home that night, was going to spend it at the Institute."

When Catarina said nothing, another sob escaped Magnus and he hated himself for it. He kissed Alec’s hand again. "We shouted at each other. So many things we didn’t mean, both of us hurt. He told me that he had everything he needed for the potion, except Phoenix Feather and my blood, and…”

“Magnus,” Catarina repeated, sitting on the bed behind him, reaching out to rub his back gently. "It’s okay."

"I was so angry with him,” Magnus breathed, the tears coming quicker, coming faster now. "He left thinking that I didn’t want forever with him, I didn’t tell him I loved him before he left, I didn’t even respond to the last text that he sent me, and now he’s trapped, thinking, thinking-"

"Magnus,” Catarina said. "Stop."

Magnus felt the cool touch of her magic washing over him, preventing the panic attack, allowing him to focus back on Alexander and what was going on around them. "I can’t lose him, Cat.” 

“You haven’t lost him, Magnus,” Catarina said. "He’ll come back to you. If nothing else, that boy is one of the most stubborn people I have ever met in my entire life. He’ll come back to you. I know he will."

Magnus stared at the pale, serene face of Alexander laying on the bed, his eyes closed, breathing steadily, trapped within his own mind, and wished that he could believe her. He pressed his face to Alec’s shoulder and breathed out shakily, putting out another band of magic into Alexander’s mind, hoping, praying that he would take it. 

~!~

A month brought along a whole different set of issues. Of conversations. Alec had been taken off Active Duty as a Shadowhunter. Alec was put on permanent medical leave on order of the Clave. Isabelle was named Temporary Head of the New York Institute. Then there were more conversations, these ones about _Alec,_ and what they needed to potentially begin to prepare for.

Magnus ignored them all, barred anyone from the loft who tried to talk **'sense’** into him, who dared to mention that Alec was gone, and it was entirely possible that he wasn’t going to come back. Whatever was trapping Alexander wasn’t going to win. Magnus wasn’t going to let it. 

When Catarina finally sat him down to have a conversation about longer-term care, Magnus focused on that, talking to Alec quietly as he made sure to exercise him. His muscles would still atrophy, but he could at least make sure that it would be less. 

And every single day, again, and _again,_ and _**again,**_ Magnus extended the magical hand into Alec’s mind, hoping that he would accept the step out. But every single day it was ignored, and something fragile began to shatter in his heart. The calm certainty that Alexander would wake up was starting to fracture into the hope of the desperate. 

Alexander had to wake up. He _had_ to wake up. Magnus had to be able to tell him he loved him again, to apologize, to try to _explain._ The Phoenix Feathers still sat in his cabinet, mocking him with their glow every time he stepped into the apothecary. He forced himself to breathe and to put out another bridge into Alec’s mind. This one he would take. He would take this one. 

With every day that passed, Magnus became more and more desperate. He needed Alexander to wake up. He was watching what his life would become without Alexander, and the light, the joy, was slowly fading from it. Magnus breathed out slowly and shook himself.

Everything would be fine. He just needed Alexander to wake up. That was all that he needed. 

It took one more week, and a visit from Jace, for Magnus to become truly desperate. 

Jace had been approached about breaking the parabatai bond - about severing it so that he could return to active duty. Magnus took one look at Jace and understood why Jace had come to talk to him about it. If the bond was broken, Alec wouldn’t survive. 

"Magnus,” Jace started. "You know I don’t want to, you know that, you know I do-"

"Then why are you here?” Magnus growled, snarling the words, the ache in his chest an impossible weight to climb back from. "Why are you here, telling me, telling me this?!"

Jace took a deep, shaky breath and opened his eyes to stare down Magnus. "Because I’m a shadowhunter. Because Alec was, fuck, is a shadowhunter, Magnus. Because if Alec is gone-”

“He’s not gone!” Magnus shouted, the words echoing in the space, even as Jace kept talking. 

“-he would want us to try to move on without him. He would want us to move on, to, to keep living. Not remain stuck forever like this,” Jace said. He took a step closer to Magnus. "I offered to come talk to you, not because this is what I want, but because you and I both know Alec better than anyone else in the world, and…" he paused, his chest shaking. "…and I’m feeling Alec less and less every single day, Magnus."

Magnus froze in the middle of the loft, turning wet, stunned eyes to Jace. "What…?” he whispered. 

Jace gave a small nod. "I can barely feel him, now. He’s there, but he’s so far away, he’s sunk so far, I don’t… I don’t know if he could climb out now."

Magnus stared at Jace, unseeing, turning the words over in his mind. He turned his back on the shadowhunter. "Leave.” 

“Magnus,” Jace said, taking a step towards him. "Please-"

"I said,” Magnus growled, taking a deep breath, his eyes blazing gold as he turned to look at Jace. "Get out, shadowhunter." He watched Jace flinch and turn away, heading for the door and he turned back for the bedroom. 

When the door shut behind Jace, Magnus fought the swelling panic. He took a deep breath, his heart pounding in time with his magic, sparks snapping over his fingertips. They were out of time. Alexander was out of time. 

With a curse, Magnus spun to his apothecary, ripping open the door. He grabbed the Phoenix Feathers out of the cabinet, as well as all the other ingredients he needed, picking up Alexander’s notebook a moment later. He settled behind his desk, looked through the door, across the loft to the bedroom, where Alec’s prone body was on the bed. 

This was for Alexander, and that was all that mattered. 

~!~

Magnus put the finishing touches on the second vial, staring at it, watching as the color changed to shining silver, and clenched his hand around it. The other, the more precious, a riot of colors, and teeming with magic, was tucked carefully against his chest. 

"Magnus?” Catarina asked, frowning when she stepped into the apothecary. The space was pulsing with magic and it raised the hackles on the back of her neck, almost as much as the wild desperation she could see on Magnus’ face. "Magnus, what are you-"

"You’re going to have to pull me out,” Magnus said, stoppering the vial. "You and probably Oberon. He might have enough power to do it." He pushed past her and headed for the bedroom. "If you can’t, well. Make sure to get Alec out, that’s all I ask.” 

“Magnus…” Catarina trailed off, grabbing his arm, stopping him in the middle of the loft. "What the hell are you planning?"

Magnus narrowed his eyes and pulled his arm away. "I’m going in after him. He’s fought this battle alone for too long.” 

Catarina’s eyes widened and her stomach dropped. "Magnus, you can’t go in after him."

"Watch me,” Magnus growled, stalking towards the bedroom, his power curling over him in waves. He wasn’t going to leave Alec to fight this battle on his own any longer. He stopped next to the bed and lifted Alec’s hand, pressing a kiss to the back of it. 

“Magnus,” Catarina growled, stepping up on the other side of the bed. "You’re talking about going into a Djinn dream after him. You know the risks of that. You could get caught in it too, and with the both of you-"

'That’s why you’re going to have to pull us out,” Magnus said, putting the silver vial on the bed. He pulled out the other and heard Catarina’s breath catch. He stared at it and popped it open, a hiss of magic escaping as he did. He swallowed and closed his eyes, focusing his magic to thread a small pulse into it. 

“Magnus!” Catarina reached out. "That’ll-"

"I know,” Magnus said, opening Alec’s mouth carefully, sealing it around the edge of the vial, pinching his nose until the shadowhunter was forced to swallow. He pulled the empty vial away and tossed it behind him. "That’s why I told you to pull him out if I’m stuck. He’s what matters, you understand me?"

Catarina clenched her eyes shut, even as she watched Magnus climb on the bed. "Magnus, he wouldn’t want this for you,” she breathed. 

Magnus took a deep breath as he watched his magic start to slowly thread through all of Alec’s body, making him jolt, the potion taking effect. "Maybe," he allowed, forcing himself to take a deep breath. "But I love him enough to try the impossible, and even if we’re trapped in the Djinn dream…” he picked up the silver vial, tears prickling at his eyes once his magic inside Alexander started to reach out for him, tying them together. "At least we’ll be trapped together."


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *hands tissues out to everyone*

Magnus downed the remaining silver potion, swallowing through the ugly taste, curling up against Alexander’s side, ignoring the worried look from Catarina. Sleep came for him, and Magnus allowed himself to follow the thread of his magic leading to Alexander, drifting through the darkness to where the other side of the tether reached to. 

Magnus fell for what felt like hours, following the thin thread of light deeper and deeper into the recesses of Alexander’s mind. Now what Jace had said made sense. Alexander wasn’t trying to pull away, he’d fallen so far, he couldn’t see the surface any longer. Magnus kept his fingers on the thread, even as it went fainter and fainter, barely flickering against him. 

How deep had Alec _fallen?_

He didn’t know how he was going to get back out with Alexander, but Magnus wasn’t going to leave him here alone any longer. He closed his eyes and followed the thread between them until he finally felt it pulse with the faintest recognition. The light from the thread didn’t illuminate the space around him any longer, and Magnus could hear the whispers pressing in from around him. They were heavy, and he could hear the faint hints of he and Alec shouting, of other fights they had had and made up. 

Magnus stepped onto something that resembled firm ground, everything around him shrouded in darkness. He pressed his fingers to his heart and took a slow, deep breath. He would find Alec. He would find him and bring him back if it was the last thing that he ever did. 

"Alexander,” Magnus called, his voice echoing in the seemingly endless darkness. "Alec can you hear me?"

A cacophony of his voice began to echo around him, some shouts, angry and passionate, others gentle and soothing, a wide array of noise blasting him from all directions. Magnus took a deep breath and forced himself to focus. Where was Alec? He had to be here somewhere. _"Alec!”_

Still nothing, but the voices were getting louder, and the negative ones were overpowering the others. Anger, frustration, upset, Magnus listened to the scenes be played over and over again. 

“Do you know? I barely had to do anything.” 

Magnus spun around at the dark, lilting voice, the hint of the Djinn that had remained in Alexander, that was keeping him trapped in this dream. Not enough to cause harm, but enough to be here. "Let him go," Magnus snarled. 

The Djinn laughed. "He’s trapped himself here. I _told_ you. I barely had to do anything. He’s tied himself here, far from you, far from those he’s hurt, those who would be better off without him. He knows his place now, and you were the one to make him know it.” 

Magnus flinched and took a deep breath. "He knows there are people that love him, that desperately want him back. We’ve been trying to get him back for weeks now."

"And has he once attempted to let you reach him?” the Djinn mocked. "I’ve seen you. You’ve thrown rope after rope to him, and not once has he tried to climb out of the cage I’ve built him. It’s not a complicated one."

Magnus’ chest tightened and he felt the truth of that statement down to his very bones. "Where the hell is he?” 

The Djinn laughed. "Follow the darkness. He’s trapped himself so well, I don’t need to do anything other than mock him from time to time."

Magnus glared at the Djinn and pushed past him, jogging through the inky blackness that became heavier and oppressive the faster he moved. "Alexander!” The darkness was so heavy now, but Magnus wasn’t going to leave without Alec, he was never going to leave Alec again. 

The air was getting thinner and Magnus felt his head swim. "I’m not going to turn back Alec!" he snarled, pushing further through the weight pushing in on him from all sides. "I’m not going to give up on you. I love you!” 

The weight on him lessened, just enough, and Magnus sucked in a frantic breathe of air, taking another few steps forward. "Alexander!" he shouted, his body starting to shake with the effort of moving. "Alec!” Desperation tinged his voice now, but he had to be close, he _had_ to be. 

“Alexander, answer me!” Magnus called, pushing at the heavy, weighted darkness, even as it started to push him back. He snarled, and fought back, throwing magic at it, until abruptly, it _gave,_ catapulting him forward and into a small, cramped room lit by a TV, Alexander sitting in front of it. Magnus stared at him in shock, on his hands and knees, breathing as deep as he could. _“Alec…”_

“Shhh, this is my favorite part,” Alec said, waving a hand in Magnus’ direction. 

Magnus blinked in surprise, taking in the sight of Alexander, sitting on the floor, curled up with his knees to his chest, watching the tv. He frowned and stepped closer, moving to the side so he could see what Alexander was watching. In an instant, his own face filled the screen and his breath caught at the sight. 

Music drifted quietly from the speakers and Magnus turned his attention back to Alec, who was staring at the television, the longing so obvious and desperate on his face it made his heart ache. He stepped closer, watching as on the screen, he nestled in closer to Alec as they continued to spin around. Magnus couldn’t take his eyes off the sight of them at their wedding, until the screen finally faded to snow and Alec slumped, his head dropping into his knees. 

Magnus walked closer to him, studying him with a small frown. "Alexander?“ 

Alec lifted his head to look at the screen again, even though the snow was already fading, leaving them in almost-complete darkness. "Hello, Magnus.” 

Relief swarmed him, huge and desperate and Magnus lunged forward and crashed to his knees, wrapping his arms around Alec’s shoulders, hugging him tight. "Alec, fuck, Alec…"

Alec wrapped a careful arm around Magnus, helping him to keep balanced, and straying down to the middle of his back after a few minutes. "I’m sorry. I know the path down here isn’t an easy one.” 

Magnus pulled back and stared at Alec. "You have to come back with me, I can get you out, Catarina is going to-" He froze when Alec smiled sadly, looking at him. "…Alec?" he whispered. 

Alec turned to look back at the television again. He snapped his fingers and Magnus watched as Alec and he woke up slowly, tangled in golden sheets, smiling shyly at each other. "You can go ahead and change now. I told you that you didn’t need to try so hard. I’m here to stay. You can feel that. They’ll let me go soon enough.” 

Magnus blinked in confusion and frowned. "Alec? What are you talking about?" 

Alec sighed and glanced at the Djinn on the side of him pretending to be Magnus. "I told you already. You don’t need to pretend. It won’t be long now. Jace can’t hold onto me for much longer.” 

Magnus’ mouth went dry and he stared at Alexander in shock. "Alec, it’s me, fuck, Alec, it’s me, what are you talking about, I came to get you, of course we’re not going to let you die! Come back with me, I can pull you out, I left a tether with Catarina and-"

"Stop,” Alec’s voice reverberated in the space. He turned to look at the television again, breathing out slowly. "Just stop." 

Magnus stared at the side of Alec’s face, his heart aching in a way he hadn’t thought possible after the past six weeks. "Alexander…?” 

“Why are you doing this now?” Alec asked, closing his eyes with a sigh. "I told you. You won. I’ll stay here. I’ll stop fighting to break free. You were right. There’s nothing for me up there any longer."

"Alec, there’s everything for you up there!” Magnus shouted, reaching out to grab his arm. "Alec, you have to come back, I’m not going to let you stay here!"

Alec snorted, keeping his eyes on the television. "Magnus is better off without me. I knew it was only a matter of time before he realized it. Jace, too. Maybe he’ll be able to find a parabatai who won’t hold him back.” 

Magnus stared, his mouth falling open as he listened. "Alec, you don’t mean that,“ he breathed. "I could never be better off without you.” 

Alec rolled his eyes and focused on the tv again. He jolted in surprise when the Djinn sat next to him, their shoulders pressed together, and looked at the image of Magnus beside him. Fuck, the Djinn must have a reason for sitting here like this. Maybe the bond would be broken soon. He breathed out slowly. "Fine, if you want to stay, stay."

_"Okay,”_ Magnus whispered, turning to look at the television. He leaned his head against Alexander’s shoulder, closing his eyes as one tear after another slowly started to drip down his cheeks. What he'd told Catarina was the truth. If they were both going to be trapped here, at least they’d be trapped _together._

Alec frowned and looked at the Djinn. Djinn didn’t _cry._ It laughed, mocked, and made sure that it knew every weakness he had that he had exposed. But here he was. Crying. Slow, steady streams of tears down his face as he stared at the television. He turned back to the tv, but this time it was their proposal, tears in his eyes as he watched Magnus step in closer, holding out the Lightwood family ring. 

“The only regret I have of that proposal is that I didn’t kiss you one last time before I left,” Magnus admitted, watching it. He reached out and took Alec’s hand, giving it a small squeeze. "I should have. But then you came to get me."

"I would always come to get you,” Alec said, not looking away from the screen. "I wasn’t going to live without you, and I was going to keep that promise."

Magnus inhaled slowly, his heart clenching tighter in pain. "Then why are you breaking that promise now?” 

Alec frowned again and looked down at the Djinn, but he hadn’t moved from his position curled against him. "I’m not. It’s for the best. Magnus-"

"Still loves you with all of his heart and soul, and is not sure why you’ve trapped yourself down here,” Magnus interrupted, not bothering to look at Alec. It was the truth. "He’s been trying to rescue you for weeks now."

"Because he feels guilty,” Alec said, shrugging. "He’s got the biggest heart of anyone I know. He feels guilty that I got attacked after our fight."

"Sounds to me,” Magnus said, breathing slowly through the tears. "Like he loves you more than life itself."

Alec hung his head, looking down at his knees. "Maybe,” he whispered. "I keep hurting him, though. And eventually, he’s just going to get tired of me. I know it’s only a matter of time, but…"

Magnus blinked in shock and looked at Alec. "What?” 

“But I can’t help…” Alec continued, trailing off and looking to the television. He smiled as Magnus came bursting into his wedding, looking so impossibly beautiful he couldn’t look away. "I couldn’t help wanting to be with him forever. I love him so much."

Magnus swallowed and looked down at his knees as well. "I bet that he wants that as well, he’s just-”

“No,” Alec said, his voice flattening, going dead. "He doesn’t."

Magnus froze, his chest going to ice at the flatness of the proclamation and the cold certainty in Alec’s voice. "How do you know?” he whispered. 

Alec stared straight ahead, past the tv, his hands trembling before they slowly steadied and he took a deep breath, smiling sadly. "Because when I told him I wanted that, I’ve never seen him look more horrified in our time together. Even before we fought about it, and angels above…" he pushed his fingers through his hair, shaking his head. "We fought so _badly_ about it. I knew that he would never want that.” 

“So you trapped yourself here to… what? Get away from him?” Magnus asked, glancing at Alec again. "He wanted to get you out. He tried, again and again, to pull you out.“ 

"Only because he felt guilty,” Alec said, sighing, his shoulders slumping. "I thought it would be best to save him the trouble of trying to break up with me. If I just… stay here long enough, he’ll be free."

A sob wrenched its way out of Magnus’ throat and he felt Alec start beside him. He dropped his face to his hands, the tears coming hot and heavy now. The resignation, the certainty in Alec’s voice, it was a fact to him, the same way some things in his life always were. 

"You’re a good actor,” Alec said, rolling his eyes as he turned to look back to the tv again. "But I know he wouldn’t chase me down here."

Magnus’ head shot up and he glared at Alec. "You’re wrong about that.” 

“Am I?” Alec asked, his voice softening. "I always knew that I loved him more than he loved me, or more than he could love me, you know. It wasn’t his fault, of course. He’d been hurt so many times, and by so many people, I couldn’t begin to somehow put him back together after all of that.“ 

Magnus’ heart lurched uncomfortably in his chest. "Alexander. Of course he would-”

“So all I could do,” Alec whispered, turning to look to the tv, smiling faintly as he played pool with Magnus, watching him smile happily. "Was love him as much and as hard as I possibly could. I thought, for a long time, it might be enough, that it was enough. And for a while, I think it was.“ 

Magnus was silent, staring at Alec. The sound of shouting came from the tv and he turned to look at it, finding Alec watching a replay of their fight, of their shouting match. Magnus watched as his face twisted angrily, his words turning accusatory, saying Alec had tried to go behind his back, to do something without thinking, something that he would certainly regret…

"I love him so much,” Alec whispered. "I would give up any part of me, any part at all, in order for him to remain happy and whole. I have, more than once, tried to do exactly that."

"And you don’t think he feels the same? That he wouldn’t do the same for you?” Magnus asked, his tone hinging in desperation. 

Alec closed his eyes and breathed out slowly, the tv blinking out. He dropped his head to his arms. "I know that he did, once. I know that it almost killed him to do it. After that, no. Knowing how high that price is? No, I don’t think that he feels the same, and I can’t blame him. The costs are hardly equal."

Magnus’ breath froze in his chest. The small amount of light around them was starting to flicker. "Alexander…?” 

“You know,” Alec breathed out, a small sniffle escaping him. "Maybe I should thank you for coming to sit with me, at the end. I didn’t think I’d ever see him again."

"Alec?” Magnus asked, his voice getting more frantic as he abruptly no longer had a sturdy shoulder to lean against. "Alec what are you-“ 

"I hope he’ll be happy,” Alec whispered. "All I ever wanted was for him to be happy, you know. I love him more than anything."

"Alec!” Magnus screamed as the image of Alec started to fade. He reached out to grab at Alec, but with one last sad smile, Alec was gone, and there was nothing but darkness remaining. “Alexander!” 

Silence. Oppressive, _endless_ silence. 

Magnus stood up, looking around wildly. "Alec! Alexander, answer me!“ 

**Silence.**

Magnus had always hated _**silence.**_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THERE IS A FOURTH CHAPTER.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> IMPORTANT NOTE: CHAPTER THREE DID NOT APPEAR PROPERLY ON AO3 AND I DO NOT KNOW WHY. 
> 
> If you are reading this and you do not remember the scenes where Magnus descended into Alec's mind/the Djinn dream, GO BACK AND READ CHAPTER THREE. 
> 
> This chapter is dedicated to (and posted early for) Accalia, Laws, Cal, HermitsUnited, and everyone else I am forgetting that I made cry in voice chat with chapter three. I love you all. <3

_"No,”_ Magnus whispered. He was not about to give Alexander up without a fight. He clenched his hands into fists and stood up. The ground under him was formless and dark. "No, I’m not about to give up,“ he growled. "I’m not about to give up on you, and I am not going to let you give up on _us,_ Alexander.” 

Still nothing. 

“I want a forever with you,” Magnus snarled through his tears. "I’ve already given you the fucking potion, not because I felt guilty, but because I love you more than I fear someday losing you.“ 

The weight of the darkness was starting to press in on him now and Magnus closed his eyes. 

"I am not,” Magnus shouted. "Going to let you go, Alexander.“ 

Gathering all of the magic he could into his palms, Magnus slammed them down to the floor, sending a jolt of magic through Alexander.

The briefest flicker of light sparked around him.

If he hadn’t been looking for it, he might have missed it. Magnus smirked and sent another pulse of magic through Alexander. _**"Alec!”**_

Another flicker, and now, this time, Magnus could see a few feet around him. 

He growled and gathered up his remaining power in his hands, breathing in slow and deep. "I am not leaving here without you, Alexander, and unless you want me trapped in this Djinn dream with you and we both die, you’d better hold on, because I’m about to get us the hell out of here.“ 

Though he couldn’t see anything, the second Magnus felt a familiar hand rest on top of his, Magnus pushed all of the power he could out of his hands and into the blackness around him. Abruptly, it _shattered,_ falling away to a landscape made of white, with Alexander standing in the middle of it all. 

"Alec!” Magnus shouted in relief, grinning when Alec looked at him. A shining golden rope dropped between both of them and the familiar pulse of magic from Catarina nearly made Magnus collapse in relief. "Alec grab it!“ he shouted, racing for it. 

His heart stopped for a few precious seconds when Alec only looked at him and didn’t appear to be running for the rope. "Alec, you have to come back with me, you have to grab the rope, I am not going to leave you here!” Magnus shouted, glad when that, at least, seemed to galvanize Alec into moving. 

Magnus grabbed onto the rope and used his momentum to swing towards Alexander, wrapping an arm around his waist, holding him tight as they both clung to the rope. He felt a pull, deep in the core of his magic, and then they were being drawn _**up.**_

~!~

Magnus jack-knifed upright, his chest heaving with a deep breath of air, sending him abruptly into a coughing fit. He pushed Oberon aside when he felt the other warlock reach for him. "I'm fine, I'm fine, Alec, help _Alec,"_ he croaked, coughing again, even as he turned to look at Alexander beside him. 

Alec was awake and sitting up, pale, his eyes sunken, and looking right at him. Magnus wanted to cry with relief. It’d _worked._ "Alexander.” 

Alec swallowed, staring at Magnus, before he dropped his eyes down to the blankets. "You came for me," he said, his voice soft. "That, that was _you._ At the end. Not the Djinn.” 

Magnus nodded, even as he watched Oberon and Catarina sweep healing magic over Alec, making sure that he was all right. He remembered what he had done to Alec before diving into the dreamscape with him, the only way he’d been able to ensure he would reach into Alec’s mind and stared at him. "You were wrong, you know.“ 

Alec frowned. "About what?” he managed, taking a glass of water from Catarina gratefully to sip it. 

“That I don’t want forever,” Magnus breathed. He looked to Catarina and Oberon, and caught the looks they were giving each other. He and Alec needed to talk. _Now._ "As much as I appreciate the two of you pulling us back out, and I promise that you can yell at me about it, in detail, tomorrow," he held up his hands. "I desperately need to spend a few hours appreciating the fact that my husband is alive again.” 

Magnus watched the two of them exchange looks before heading out and he turned back to Alec, who was frowning at him. Magnus pushed himself upright with a small noise of frustration. His body was still feeling the weight of the magical exhaustion and he turned back to Alec. "I’m going to run us a bath, okay?"

Alec leaned back against the pile of pillows and gave a small nod. "Okay.” 

Magnus busied himself with the bath before he slowly padded back to the bedroom. With a grunt, he swept Alec up and into his arms, carrying him into the bathroom, cradling him against his chest as they settled into the bath. 

“It’s okay,” Alec whispered, leaning his head against Magnus’ shoulder, his voice tired and resigned. "If you don’t want forever. I know that wasn’t what you signed up for and-"

Magnus pressed a finger to Alec’s lips and took a deep breath, kissing his forehead. "Do you know what Ya'aburnee means?” 

Alec blinked and shifted so he could look up at Magnus before settling into his chest properly. "I do," he admitted. "I, I have a list of words. In other languages, for, well. To try to, I don’t even know. But I know what it means. You bury me.” 

Magnus breathed out slowly, his heart hammering. He'd had weeks to prepare for this conversation, he wasn't going to fuck it up now. "Not _just_ that," he whispered. "It’s the wish that you die before the person you are with, because the idea of life without them, death is better than that.” He felt Alec tense in his arms. "Alexander? Is that how you feel about me?"

Alec swallowed and gave another small nod, his voice low in the room. "Yes.” 

Magnus blinked hard against the tears that were threatening. He pressed his face to Alec’s neck and stopped trying to hold them back, a small sob escaping him as they did. He felt Alec tense in surprise, but now that he had allowed the tears to come, there was no stopping them. 

“Magnus?” Alec whispered, reaching up to push some of Magnus’ hair out of his face, wrapping a tentative arm around his waist to hold him in place. "Why’d you ask me that?"

_"Because,”_ Magnus breathed. "I have spent the last six weeks of my life realizing that there will be no life after you, for me, Alexander. It’ll be at best a half-life, never fully lived again. And I…"

Magnus tightened his arms around Alec and pressed himself closer. "You are not the first person I have been with who offered to become immortal for me,” he admitted, his voice gentle. "You’re not even the first to try, or to go ahead and do it.“ He felt Alec tense in his arms. "But, Alexander. You are the first who… I would help to do it, because the idea of losing you earlier than I want to is so much worse than the idea that you might hate or resent me someday.” 

Alec blinked in surprise. "Is that… is _that_ why you were angry?"

"Fuck, you have no idea how many times I have recited these speeches in my head, telling myself that if I ever got the chance to speak to you again, I would explain, I would try so hard to explain so you understand, because. Because, fuck, I didn't explain, I was scared and you deserved to know,” Magnus said, staring Alec down before cupping Alec’s cheek in his palm. "I want you to understand, because it was never, _ever_ about not wanting to spend forever with you, Alexander."

Alec swallowed and nodded, nuzzling into Magnus’ neck with a quiet noise. "Do you?” he asked, unable to keep the question in. "Want, want to try?"

"Well,” Magnus said, his head falling back. He smiled, laughing a little. "I believe in the adage of actions speaking louder than words."

Alec frowned. "What do you mean?” 

Magnus blew out a hard breath and pressed his finger to Alec’s chest, sending a small pulse of magic into Alec. The tiny, growing seed of magic in Alec’s heart pulsed back at him and Magnus felt Alec stiffen in his arms. "I mean, that I not only _want_ to spend forever with you, Alexander…" he hesitated before continuing. "I am _going_ to spend forever with you.” 

Alec yanked himself back, staring at Magnus with wide eyes, pressing a hand to his chest. "You, the potion-"

"Your notes were flawless,” Magnus said, watching as Alec settled into the tub again, staring at him in shock. "I had every ingredient on hand, and with the addition of the Phoenix Feather, and my blood, it did exactly as it was supposed to and tied our life forces together. A piece of my magic now lives in you, permanently, and it will grow to become the seed for your own magic." He paused and looked at Alec. "It was that piece of magic that I followed into your mind to rescue you from the Djinn.” 

Alec pressed his hands to his face, a small sob escaping him. "You, we’re-"

Magnus smiled and reached out to rub his hands up and down Alec’s arms, watching as Alec trembled in the tub. "I think we’ve both learned by now that it takes us a time or two to explain our feelings properly, especially when we’re both passionate about things.” 

“Right,” Alec said, his voice hoarse, dropping his hands to the water to stare at Magnus. 

“And in this case,” Magnus blew out a hard breath. "I am absolutely terrified of the day that you will regret this decision because you’ve watched your family die. And their children. And maybe even their grandchildren."

"I don’t…” Alec paused and looked down at the bathwater. "I knew that when I started researching, Magnus. I’d, I’d made that decision ages ago. There’s nothing that says I wouldn’t outlive my siblings anyway, especially as Head of the Institute."

"I realize that now,” Magnus agreed, smiling faintly. "I had a far more emotional response than I should have to what you did, and for that, I am very, _very_ sorry." He reached out and rubbed a thumb along Alec’s cheek. "I love you, Alexander.” He watched Alec shudder under the gentle touch and the words. "I love you so much, and I am so sorry that I made you feel like you loved me more than I loved you."

"Oh,” Alec whispered. "So you remember all of that?"

"I do,” Magnus nodded. "You told me once that you were going to stay with me in Edom, when you came to get me, remember?"

"Of course I do,” Alec said, smiling hopelessly at Magnus. "I would have done that a thousand times over."

Magnus took a deep breath. "And there is nothing, Alexander, nothing in this world, not my magic, not my life that I would not put you before. Your death is the most terrifying thing in the entire world to me, and will never not be so.” 

Alec reached out and wrapped his arms around Magnus, holding onto him tightly. "You looked so terrified," he whispered. "When, when I brought it up.” 

“Because,” Magnus said, tightening his arms around Alec, holding him tight. "All I could see, all I could imagine, all I could think about, was everyone in my past who has done this, and how they have all come to resent, or even hate me. And I am…" he breathed out slowly. "I am so _scared_ of you hating me, Alexander.” 

“I’m not going to hate you,” Alec repeated, his voice quiet and certain. "I don’t know how to hate you, Magnus."

Magnus offered Alec a rueful smile and kissed his forehead. "I’m learning that, Alexander. I’m learning that. Just like you’re going to have to know that I’ll never get bored of you, or tired of you, or want someone different, or better, or, or any of the thousand other dumb things that you were thinking down there.” 

Alec huffed out a laugh, leaning into Magnus’ arms again. "Magnus, it’s all right, I’m not-"

"No,” Magnus growled. "You’re going to have your fair share of recuperation time, and I am fairly certain that I will have about sixty missed calls from your parabatai the second we are out of this bath and he’s going to descend on us shortly." He took a deep breath and cupped Alec’s face. "But we are going to talk about that, Alec. We’re going to talk about all of it.”

Alec’s breath caught and he stared at Magnus’ golden eyes. "We are?"

Magnus gave a firm nod. "My side _and_ yours. Especially while you get back into fighting shape.” 

“Magnus?” Alec whispered. "I love you." 

Magnus let out a small noise, wrapping Alexander up in his arms, pulling him in as tight as he dared. "I love you too, Alexander. And I will always, _always_ come to rescue you, no matter how far I have to go to do it.” 

Aled managed a weak chuckle, kissing at Magnus’ jaw. "I think the furthest I want you to rescue me from for the next few weeks is the kitchen."

Magnus sagged in relief and smiled against Alec’s skin, right as his wards pinged, telling him there was a shadowhunter outside them. "I think I can do that. And speaking of your parabatai, he’s here. Do you feel up to seeing him?” 

Alec nodded. "For a few minutes. Can you stay with me? I might have trouble standing on my own."

"Of course,” Magnus whispered, kissing Alec softly before getting them both out of the tub and into sweatpants and shirts before he got Alec comfy on the couch and waved Jace through his wards, and then the door. 

“Magnus, it’s Alec! He’s-”

“Right here, parabatai,” Alec called, drawing Jace’s attention to the couch. "Though slightly worse for wear."

Magnus watched as Jace froze, staring at Alec in shock before he was barreling forward, wrapping Alec up in a hug so tight he was afraid they were both going to break bones. When he caught them whispering together, it only took a few moments to realize it was the parabatai oath, and he turned away to get popcorn for all of them to give them a moment together before coming back into the living room. 

"Don’t scare me like that again,” Jace growled, punching Alec in the arm. "Otherwise I’m going to have to kick your ass in training extra hard once you’re back up to fighting shape."

"I’ll be back on active duty soon,” Alec promised. "I’m sure that Izzy will be glad to turn the paperwork back over to me."

Jace rolled his eyes and smiled. "You have no idea. But we’re just glad you’re okay. You gave us a hell of a scare there, Alec.” 

Alec smiled softly and reached out to hug Jace again. "I know. And I’ll visit with you properly in a few days. Right now I feel like I could pass out for a whole day."

"Well, as long as it’s sleep and not being trapped in a Djinn dream, I’ll consider it acceptable,” Jace teased, smiling at Alec. 

Alec grinned back at him. "Yeah, that I don’t mind promising." He settled back against the pillow pile Magnus had made for him. "But I’ll talk to you tomorrow?” 

“Yeah,” Jace agreed, ruffling Alec’s hair again. "I’ll let Izzy and Clary know you’re all right. We’ll visit tomorrow-" he held up his hand at Magnus, who he could already see ready to protest. "-if you're feeling up to it."

Magnus nodded and smiled. "Sounds good.” He walked Jace to the door and turned back to Alexander whose eyes were already starting to shut as he blinked slowly. "Tired?"

"You’d think I wouldn’t be this exhausted after everything,” Alec mumbled, closing his eyes, cuddling up to Magnus as soon as his husband joined him on the couch. "But I am."

"Your body went through a lot of trauma,” Magnus soothed, rubbing his hand up and down Alec’s back. "It’ll be all right and soon you’ll be back to working eighteen-hour days and worrying me for a whole different reason."

Alec laughed, throwing his head back. "That’s fair,” he allowed. He took a deep breath and stretched. He hummed and closed his eyes, relaxing back into Magnus’ arms with a happy smile before he jolted, his eyes flying open. "Fuck," he breathed, slamming his eyes shut. 

"Alec?” Magnus asked, tense around him. "Are you all right?"

Alec took a small breath. "What… what if I’m back there? What if this is all a dream and when I wake up I’m back there?” 

Magnus hummed and helped Alec turn around to face him, and he could see the fear lingering in Alec’s eyes. "Well, I have an easy solution for that," he offered. "But if you were back down there, even though you most decidedly are not, I’d be coming for you."

Alec swallowed and leaned up to kiss Magnus softly at the reassurance. "What was the solution that you mentioned?"

"Trust me?” Magnus whispered, kissing Alec, sending a small pulse of magic through the bond that they shared. 

Alec smiled and rubbed their noses together. _"Always."_

Magnus put another pulse of magic through the bond, enough to relax the both of them, soothing any stress that had been lingering, letting both of them fall to sleep. 

~!~

When Magnus opened his eyes, he was standing outside what he had to guess was the Lightwood Manor in Alicante, where Alec was looking around in wide-eyed shock. 

Magnus stepped up beside him with a grin. "So, Alexander.” When Alec turned to look at him, he winked. "How about we spend your dream taking a tour of Alicante?" 

Alec started to laugh, looking around. "You can do this?” 

“Well,” Magnus said, looking down at his fingernails with a smirk. "It is only a memory, but I’m pulling the place from your mind. So lead the way, and we’ll see what you remember."

Alec reached out to grab Magnus’ hand. "Then we need pastries from the shop around the corner!” 

Magnus laughed as Alec started to pull him in that direction, the grin on his face bright and wide. He could get used to this kind of dream. 

**Author's Note:**

> Comments and Criticisms welcome!
> 
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> 
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